* JOKES *

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On a bus!

On a bus, two men with really strong accent start
a conversition. The lady next to them eavesdrops.

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two esses acoma
together. I come once-a-more. Two esses, they comma
together again. I come again and pee twice. Then
I come one lasta time."

"You dirty-mouth pigs! In this country we don't
talk about our dirty sex lives in public!"
the lady exclaims.

*

*


*
"Hey, whats sa-matter for you?" says the man "I'm
justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi"

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Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says " I´m a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist." The second guy says, " I´m a D.I.N.K, you know.......Double Income, No Kids " The third guy says, " I´m a R.U.B, you know.......Rich, Urban, Biker." They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you?" She replies: I´m a WIFE, you know.......Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

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Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,........... just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!!

@

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"Island, island, grassy island; grassy
island's maiden."

"Saari, saari, heinäsaari; heinäsaaren neito."

"Ö, ö, hö ö; hö ö mö"

[General Electric]

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
'Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Bubba replied, " Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."

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Chalkboard

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, "penis" written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson.

The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkboard, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.

Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find "penis" on the board, a little larger each time.

She went in one morning, expecting to find it again, but instead the chalkboard read: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

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*ja nyt hiukan lontoonmurre harjoittelua, jäätelöautoa voi varoa nuoremmallakin iällä*

Sunday Morning Sex*****



I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...


Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went

straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old

grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died,

her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were

making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that

people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking

for trouble.



"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many

years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do

it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right

rhythm.

Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and

out on the Dong."



She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the

ice cream truck hadn't come along."****

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[meikäläinen]

E.T. Returns Home:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstop ... es-up.html

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Before vs. nowadays

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